


Littlest Things

by Lunarseclipse



Category: Queer As Folk - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarseclipse/pseuds/Lunarseclipse
Summary: A story about Justins feelings on Brian a few months after he moves in with Ethan to the song ‘littlest things” by Lily Allen. My first qaf fic.
Relationships: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), Ethan Gold/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Littlest Things

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing

Ethans gone out playing again, so I’m left to my thoughts, more precisely, my thoughts of Brian. Its been two months since I left him at the rage party and I hate to admit it, but I miss him.

Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'

Its not just when I’m alone either, whenever I kiss Ethan i cant help the guilt that overwhelms me, stupid really, me and Brian aren’t even together and I’m sure he gave up that rule the second i walked away.

And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's

Brian had never called me his boyfriend, but I noticed as time went on he’d stop correcting people about it, and each time it’d make me smile. He really was changing wasn’t he?

All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses

The one thing that stuck out to me about Ethan was that he was boring. Theres no teasing, it seems like our relationship died before it even really started. Brian on the other-hand was fun to be around, he’d make jokes about me being blonde or something equally as stupid, and I’d make a jab about his age paired with the very unoriginal “Is that a grey hair?” This usually ended up with him ”showing me how old he really was,” and that included a bed, or a couch, or a- well, you get the drift.

I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood

He was probably the only person besides Daphne I could confide in about my parents, how I hated the sad looks my mother would give me when she thought I wasn't looking. I guessed it was just dawning on her she wouldn't have the lovely son and daughter in law to bring to dinner parties and talk about to all her friends. I told him about my childhood too, and how I sometimes wished I could of cut off Craig earlier so it wouldn't of hurt so much. One thing I didn't mention was the only reason I never wished I just didn't come out was because of him.

I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could

Brian was probably the last person I should of trusted, from the beginning. I remember all the warnings about “stranger danger” I received as a child. They mustn’t of worked because the first time I went out without any real supervision I ended up going to a strangers place in his car. Alone. You’d think at 17 I’d of been smarter but clearly not. Even after that night what on earth was I thinking stalking a guy I knew nothing about? Hell, he could of killed me that first night, he could of been a serial killer and ended up murdering me because I was following him. I could of been the kid in that dumpster if I had of gone home with someone else that night.

We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt

Memories are weird things, you can remember the happiest time in your life and it’ll bring you absolute misery. Thats how I feel everytime I remember our time together, when he’d let his walls down a little and we’d laugh at all the shit on telly, takeout boxes scattered around.

I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

I remember the smell of his shirts, the cologne he’d wear mixed with his natural smell, wow, I guess I really am a stalker. I think back to after we’d fucked, the way his hair was messed up and how content he looked, how we’d just lay for awhile until real life reared its ugly head, be it work, school or a rather annoying nuisance otherwise known as Michael, and the peace of when it was just us was gone.

Dreams, dreams  
Of when we had just started things

Usually I’d wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares, whenever that happened Ethan would moan about how he’s got *such* a busy day tomorrow and could I please keep the noises to a minimum. Remind me again why I’m with him? On the odd day God or whatever the hell decided to give me a break I’d wake up from dreams of being with **him** whether it was a memory of us fucking or something as simple as the rare occasion we’d stay in together like a real couple. 

Dreams of you and me

One reoccurring memory is when he told me I could move in with him. Considering all that was going wrong in my life at that point I don’t think i should of been as happy as I was but hey, I was 17 and in love, shoot me.

It seems, it seems  
That I can't shake those memories

Sometimes I feel guilty about dreaming of Brian, I’m supposed to be in a committed relationship after all, I tried to ignore the overwhelming pain whenever I see something that reminds me of him, which is quite hard when that seems to be everything.

I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

It's stupid to believe Brian, stud of liberty avenue, would think about me as I think about him right? So why can't I help but feel like he misses me too, I don't go to the diner as much now but Debbie drags me out every now and them and I can't help but notice the strange glances from Brian, if it was anyone else i'd say it was a mixture of longing and guilt. But that's stupid, he wouldn't think like that, I mean he has no reason to, I was the one that betrayed his trust and left him.

The littlest things that take me there  
I know it sounds lame but its so true

I imagine Brian’s laugh if i told him how I felt, how thoughts of him had become as common as breathing, and almost as necessary to get me through the day. He’d probably call me a lesbian or something like that but I’d take all the shitty insults in the world to be back in his arms again. Wow, imaginary Brian might actually be right about the lesbian thing.

I know its not right, but it seems unfair  
The things are reminding me of you

I really am fucking stupid, sat here daydreaming about a man who could never love me the way I love him. He’s perfection and I’m just, me. I wonder if itll ever stop, if my days will ever go back to normal, if i can get a coffee without thinking of his ridiculously over the top caffeine he had in his, or go to a club without staring at every tall brunette that passes me, if i can even kiss my boyfriend without remembering the way his lips melted against mine.

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend  
Even if for only one weekend

I’d give anything to just be with him for another day, another night, to hear his voice in the morning or see his half smile when he’s trying to hide it, to just tell him how much I adore him.

So come on, tell me  
Is this the end?

Wow, I’m sat, crying about how much I want him back and acting as if I’m being forced to stay here. It’s time I take control of my own life and get him back. I dont even think when I grab my bag and head to a certain loft.


End file.
